No one is perfect. We could all do some good by doing a little more of this and a little less of that. That is why personal development is a never-ending process.
If you want to change a behavior you could always go see a Cognitive-Behavioral Therapist. But that can be an expensive option, and most people don’t have severe behavior disorders like what you may find in some cases of post-traumatic stress disorder, builimia nervosa, OCD, clinical depression, autism, and schizophrenia (those who would most warrant a visit to a professional therapist).
But just because we don’t have a mental illness doesn’t mean we shouldn’t intend on improving our habits. And why not become a better person everyday?
This is why I constantly recommend people learn the art of mindfulness; just a couple weeks ago I wrote an article that discusses how to apply mindfulness of both body and mind during everyday chores like showering, cleaning, and eating/cooking. Once you develop the fundamentals to mindfulness you can apply your practice to almost anything.
Over time it is not uncommon to notice that when you apply mindfulness to an activity you are also changing the way you react and interact with it – psychologists could call this a certain kind of observer effect (although this isn’t how the term is commonly used).
Usually when we raise awareness on an issue (whether it is a personal or even political one) we become more motivated to correct it.
In the same way we can correct bad habits by becoming more aware of them, especially as they happen. In many ways this is the cornerstone and purpose of Right Mindfulness, as the Buddha lays out in his Noble Eightfold Path.
Start by choosing a bad habit of yours. Some of the most common habits people wish to correct are:
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1. Cigarette smoking
2. Unhealthy eating
3. Alcohol and drugs
4. Short temper
5. Wasteful spending
6. Cheating
7. Nail biting
8. Talking on phone while driving
9. Procrastination (actively choosing to put off work in order to do something else)
10. Sleeping late
Try to recognize the desire to do these bad habits when it arises.
At first, you will probably miss it – so just be mindful of your mental and physical state while you are actually performing the bad habit.
What type of satisfaction do you get? Is it long lasting or short lasting? Do you feel good after you have completed the act? Or is there a component of guilt or shame to it?
These types of observations will better prepare you to be mindful of the whole process of your actions. Once you spot the initial arising of desire, then you are put in a position to make a change.
For an example: let’s pretend you like to enjoy a cigarette after you eat a meal. You are already going to have a good clue as to when the desire to smoke a cigarette will arise. But after you finish your meal don’t go right towards a cigarette. Just sit there and watch how your body and mind react to the situation. Is it really that urgent to have a cigarette, or can it wait?
You may continue sitting and find that you actually don’t want a cigarette. Your awareness of your situation may have already somewhat dissipated that “autopilot-like reflex” to smoke after every meal. Of course it will take much practice before you actually instill this behavior into your psyche.
It is more likely that your desire to smoke will eventually arise, especially if it is a bad habit you have had for years. But instead of reacting to it as if it were an impulse – just sit there and watch desire.
Watch how your body and mind try to convince you that you need a cigarette.
The longer you can suspend the action – and sustain your attention on desire itself – the more you will come to know about how you are motivated to do certain behaviors. This can become very useful knowledge when you want to quit bad habits and even pick up good ones.
What does desire feel like? Does it slowly intensify overtime until you feel like you can’t bare it any longer? Or does the feeling pulsate? Perhaps one moment you really want a cigarette, but as you wait longer the feeling seems to dissipate and you can go on without one.
Keep watching.
Does the desire then re-arise even stronger? Or does it begin to mellow out?
While you watch this feeling of desire remain mindful of the thoughts in your head as well. Are they trying to persuade you that this is a stupid idea, or that you should just smoke anyway? Ask yourself, “Do I really want to change this behavior? Do I have enough good reasons to quit? Do I have the strength of will to do it?” Don’t let your ego bend your will. Keep the mind sharp. Ask the right questions, and try your best to suspend action and sustain attention towards this process of desire.
If you know in your heart that you need to change this detrimental habit then put the energy into being mindful of desire as often as you can.
Only by being mindful of your body and mind can you truly know yourself and what motivates your actions. Know the types of situations that trigger the bad habit. And know desire – its impermanence – and the tricks it tries in order to feed the ego.
My best advice is to watch desire whenever you can. Dissect it like a scientist. Break it up into parts. Watch how it changes. Watch how it affects both the body and mind. And most importantly, watch how it comes and goes. Whether you decide to continue doing the bad habit or not – desire almost certainly never lasts forever. Be especially mindful of that.
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