Thinking Beyond Winning or Losing

Often we get caught in the trap of thinking of life as a game that we want to “win.” And when we do think about “winning,” we usually imagine it in the form of a reward: an awesome job, a perfect relationship, a rich salary, or a big house.

But there’s more to life than rewards – and there’s more to life than wanting to look like a “winner” all the time.

A person who appears on the surface to have a shitty life (a bad job, an unhealthy relationship, or an impoverished home), can look beyond their circumstances and still live in an honorable and dignified way

Getting trapped in the “winning vs. losing” mindset can blind us from living life honestly and truthfully, without a desire to always be rewarded for our efforts.

What’s more important than winning? Here are a few things that come to mind:

– Doing your best with what you have – Everyone is born with certain advantages and disadvantages. Life is rarely fair and just, and some people are certainly born into circumstances that are way less fortunate than others. However, there will always be a dignity in doing your best with what you have been given.

– Exceeding your expectations – When you exceed your own expectations, there is a “victory of the self” that can be much sweeter than any win. Even if you lose, but you do better than you thought, it feels good. From time to time, take the opportunity to prove yourself wrong. At worse, you’ll be right. At best, you may surprise yourself.

– Exceeding others expectations – Proving others wrong can be just as sweet as proving yourself wrong. Maybe you’ve always struggled with parents, teachers, bosses, and peers who have low expectations of you. Using their doubt as fuel and motivation to prove them wrong.

– Focusing on progress – Whether you win or lose, it’s more important to stay motivated and keep growing. This is actually why “winning” can become toxic, because it can sometimes lead us to believe that we’ve met our mark and there’s no reason to keep improving. In this way, winning too much can become stagnating.

– Being a good person in spite of wins or losses – A person’s character, how they carry themselves and how they treat other people, can be way more important than their accomplishments in life. No one likes a sore loser or a sore winner.

All of these things help depict a bigger picture beyond winning or losing.

But of course, this mindset can be hard to cultivate. We often can’t help but compare our lives to others, and this leads us to judge whether or not we are “winning” the game of life.

In psychology, this is referred to as social comparison theory. It’s the idea that we often judge our own status in life by comparing it to other people’s status.

If our neighbor has 2 nice cars, we want to have 2 nice cars. And if they have 3 nice cars, then we want to have 3 nice cars. We’re always trying to “keep up with the Joneses.” Our close family, friends, and neighbors become our benchmark of what we consider to be success.

This theory explains a lot behind our never-ending “winning vs. losing” mindset.

However, it’s important to remember that you can’t compare your story to anyone else’s story.

We all start in different places in life, so your “Chapter 1” is different than someone else’s “Chapter 1” – and your “Chapter 10” is going to be different than someone else’s “Chapter 10.” Everyone’s story unfolds at a different pace.

Don’t get caught up in any single “win” or “loss,” because no single “win” or “loss” can define where you are going in life.

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