The Power of Silence: When To Keep Your Mouth Shut and Preserve Your Energy

Silence can often be an expression of confidence – it shows that you don’t feel the need to defend yourself from every little attack or criticism.

Of course, practicing silence is easier said than done. We have a natural impulse to want to defend ourselves when we feel personally attacked or someone says something that offends us.

But what good comes when you feel the need to always respond to others or attack them back?

Often we just end up escalating an argument, embarrassing ourselves in front of others, storming out of the room, or staying up late at night kicking ourselves for saying what we said.

At the end of the day, it sucks up our energy and drains us. And in fact, one study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships discovered that when people practice silence or “ignoring” others who are rude or annoying, it often preserves their mental and emotional resources.

It can be incredibly freeing to realize you don’t always have to respond to everything everyone says. Sometimes the best response is to just be silent, give a polite smile, and let the comment pass over you like water off a duck’s back.

When a comment affects you internally, that doesn’t mean you need to respond to it externally. And often by practicing silence you diminish the feeling quicker by not feeding it any of your attention or energy.

In this way, silence is one of the most powerful tools when it comes to emotional intelligence.

When we are in a heated situation, our emotions can often hijack our rational thinking. So it’s important to mentally prepare yourself to act in new ways before they actually happen:

Try this simple visualization right now:

• Take a moment to imagine a scenario where someone you dislike says something that really gets under your skin (especially in front of a group of people).
• Feel your emotions bubbling up. Feel a wave of hot energy filling up your body and the urge to snap back and attack growing stronger and stronger!
• Then… visualize yourself just being silent. And letting that internal reaction wash over you without a response.
• Now watch as your emotions begin to dissipate and the moment passes…

This is an example of urge surfing. It’s when you feel a strong urge to do something, but instead of acting on it you just “surf” on the feeling (riding it “up” and “down”) until it dies down completely.

A quick visualization such as the one above can help you to better practice silence and patience in your real-world interactions – and diminish your urge to always respond to others.

Keep in mind that “silence” as an individual response to something someone says is different than the silent treatment, which is often a long-term withdrawal of attention to try to punish someone or manipulate their behavior (like purposely not answering your boyfriend/girlfriend’s phone calls for a week, or refusing to acknowledge your spouse because you’re mad about something).

Silence can be a mature response to a comment that isn’t worth giving extra attention to, but the “silent treatment” is often an immature pattern of behavior to coerce people or hurt them. It’s important to understand the difference if you want to practice silence in healthy and productive ways.

One last thing, consider that the people that we most dislike can often be our greatest teachers when it comes to practicing “silence” and being more patient and tolerant toward others.

Those who find most annoying are our most difficult challenges and tests when it comes to learning how to just sit and be silent, but this can be a healthy thing that makes us better people. The Dalai Lama refers to it as the enemy’s gift.

Overall, never underestimate the power of silence. It’s an important tool for communication and social skills that can improve both your everyday relationships and your overall mental health and well-being.

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