The Power of Seeing Things as They Are (Not How We Want to See Them)

Over the past century, psychology has discovered a lot about how individuals can live happier and more successful lives. A lot of this research is covered in the many articles I write for The Emotion Machine.

But what’s just as fascinating to me is how much we can also learn from older philosophies. For example, my personal philosophy is influenced by a whole range of different schools of thought, including: Existentialism, Buddhism, Taoism, Objectivism, and – the subject of this article – Stoicism.

The truth is we don’t need to subscribe to only one school of thought. Instead we can learn from multiple schools and borrow what works for us, and ditch what doesn’t.

Stoicism is a philosophy first started in Ancient Greece in the 3rd century BCE. One of it’s primary teachings is to “focus on what is in your control and ignore what isn’t in your control.”

To follow this teaching, the Stoics knew that we had to observe reality as it is, and not always as we want it to be. Because only by honestly observing our world can we correctly discover what’s in our power vs. what isn’t.

Here is a collection of thought-provoking quotes from Marcus Aurelius’ classic work Meditations, which help describe this power of seeing things as they are and why this is so important.

On elevating your mind to truth

“Make for yourself a definition or description of the thing which is presented to you, so as to see distinctly what kind of a thing it is in its substance, in its nudity, in its complete entirety, and tell yourself its proper name, and the names of the things of which it has been compounded, and into which it will be resolved. For nothing is so productive of elevation of mind as to be able to examine methodically and truly every object that is presented to you in life, and always to look at things so as to see at the same time what kind of universe this is, and what kind of use everything performs in it, and what value everything has with reference to the whole.” (pg. 17)

Here Marcus Aurelius is advocating a type of mindfulness, not unlike something Buddha might say. It’s especially important to recognize how these “parts” we observe always relate to the “whole” in some way. This bigger picture perspective is crucial for understanding reality in its entirety.

On attachment to temporary pain

“Often think of the rapidity with which things pass by and disappear, both the things that are and the things that are produced by man. For substance is like a river in a continual flow, and the activities of things are in constant change, and the causes work in infinite varieties; and there is hardly anything that stands still. And consider what is near to you, this boundless abyss of the past and of the future in which all things disappear. How then is he not a fool who is puffed up with such things or plagued about them and makes himself miserable? For they vex him only for a time, and a short time.” (pg. 34)

When we observe reality as it is, we often find just how impermanent everything is. The metaphor of a flowing river is similar to Heraclitus famous quote, “You can never step in the same river twice.” Marcus Aurelius takes this lesson of impermanence to be a good reason why we should never become too attached to our pain, anger, or sadness – because they will eventually dissipate like everything else.

On attachment to temporary pleasure

“Some things are hurrying into existence, and others are hurrying out of it; and one of that which is coming into existence, part is already extinguished. Motions and changes are continually renewing the world, just as the uninterrupted course of time is always renewing the infinite duration of ages. In this flowing stream, then, on which there is no abiding, what is there of the things that hurry by on which a man would set a high price? It would be just as if a man should fall in love with one of the sparrows that fly by, when it has already passed out of sight. Something of this kind is the very life of every man, like the exhalation of the blood and the respiration of the air. For such as it is to have once drawn in the air and to have given it back, which we do every moment, just the same is it with the whole respiratory power, which you received at birth yesterday and the day before, to give it back to the element from which you first drew it.” (pg. 39)

Marcus Aurelius applies this same lesson of impermanence to pleasure as to pain. He uses the metaphor of a man falling in love with a sparrow, when before he knows it has passed. The same is true for all of our experiences of pleasure and pain. They are never permanent, and always subject to change, which is why a big lesson throughout Meditations is being able to rise above this “pleasure-pain” principle that often dictates our behavior.

On the power of living in the moment

“Wipe out your imaginings by often saying to yourself, ‘Now it is in my power to let no badness be in this soul, nor desire, nor any perturbation at all; but looking at all things, I see their true nature, and I use each according to its value.’ Remember this power that nature gives you.” (pg. 61)

In any given moment, we are presented with the choice of how to think about a situation and how to respond to it. This is in our power always and we shouldn’t forget it.

On seeing things as they are

“The healthy eye ought to see all visible things and not say, ‘I wish for green things’; for this is the condition of a diseased eye. And the healthy hearing and smelling ought to be ready to perceive all that can be heard and smelled. And the healthy stomach ought to be with respect to all food, just as a mill with respect to all things that is formed to grind. And accordingly, healthy understanding ought to be prepared for everything that happens; but that which say, ‘Let my dear children be safe, and let all men praise whatever I may do,’ is an eye that seeks for green things or teeth that seek for soft things.” (pg. 84)

Our mind is designed to see all things it can see, not just what we want it to see. This is important if we want to be honest about our experiences, and not merely look for what we want to see. Many people try to view the world through “rose-colored glasses” – only acknowledging the good and pleasant – and ignoring everything else. But this is a delusion. We must be willing to see all that we can see.

On watching people’s actions above words

“How unsound and insincere is he who says, ‘I have determined to deal with you in a fair way.’ What are you doing, man? There is no occasion to give this notice. It will soon show itself by acts. The voice ought to be plainly written on the forehead. Such as man’s character is, he immediately shows it in his eyes, just as he who is beloved forthwith reads everything in the eyes of lovers…Nothing is more disgraceful than a wolfish friendship (false friendship). Avoid this most of all. The good and simple and benevolent show all these things in the eyes, and there is no mistaking it.” (pg. 88)

Actions speak louder than words. Here Marcus Aurelius is telling us to be cautious of what people say to us, especially if they are insisting their intentions are pure, and instead to let that person’s actions speak for themselves. You’d be surprised by how much you can gather about a person’s character by just observing their body language and how they carry themselves. We should try to trust our instincts about people, and pay attention to any red flags as soon as possible.

On accepting that evil exists

“When you are offended with any man’s shameless conduct, immediately ask yourself, is it possible then that shameless men should not be in the world? It is not possible. Do not then require what is impossible. For this man also is one of those shameless men who must of necessity be in the world. Let the same considerations be present to your mind in the case of the knave and the faithless man, and of every man who does wrong in any way. For at the same time that you remind yourself that it is impossible that such men should not exist, you will become more kindly disposed toward everyone individually.” (pg. 74)

“It is a ridiculous thing for a man not to fly from his own badness, which is indeed possible, but to fly from other men’s badness, which is impossible.” (pg. 55)

Evil exists. We’re never going to live in a completely safe bubble – and it’s naive and idealistic to expect the world to ever be 100% free from these things. On one hand, this teaches us to be more alert and prepared for the evil that exists in the world. On the other, this shows us to respond to this badness with kindness, because it’s not going to go away by simply ignoring it or avoiding it.

On accepting death as a part of nature

“Do not despise death, but be well content with it, since this, too, is one of those things that nature wills. For such as it is to be young and to grow old, and to increase and to reach maturity, and to have teeth and bear and grey hairs, and to beget, and to be pregnant and to bring forth, and all the other natural operations that the seasons of your life bring, such also is dissolution. This then is consistent with the character of a reflecting man, to be neither careless nor impatient nor contemptuous with respect to death, but to wait for it as one of the operations of nature.” (pg. 68)

There’s a power in accepting that death is part of the natural process of life. Just as other things in this world are impermanent, so is our own self. This shouldn’t be anything to fear or be bitter about. Instead, we should be thankful for the limited time we have in this world and make the best of it. When I accept the reality of my own death, I am much more inspired and motivated to make the most of my time while I’m here.

Conclusion

These are just a few of my favorite excerpts from Marcus Aurelius’ Meditations. Reading the book is like a meditation in itself – it provides a sober and refreshing view of reality that cuts straight to the essence of life and how to live. Even today it remains a very practical philosophy.

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