Question Your Feelings: The Power of Self-Analysis

One of the first pillars of emotional intelligence is self-awareness. This is the process of better understanding your feelings through self-observation and self-inquiry.

It requires that we look at our emotions from an objective viewpoint, and then be honest about what’s causing them and how they are influencing our actions.

Emotions guide human behavior. They are a type of knowledge, but they are often fast, intuitive, and impulsive reactions to our environment, and thus they can be prone to error.

Due to this, your feelings can be misleading if you always react to them without question. In certain times, it’s a good idea to step back and question your feelings before you choose the best way to respond to them.

In a recent study published in the Motivation and Emotion, it was found that a bad mood (caused by listening to angry music) led individuals to more likely judge someone as wrong. This is a perfect example of the pervasive influence of emotions and why we should question our feelings.

You might be in a bad mood for some random reason – maybe you got stuck in traffic or spilled coffee on your shirt – but then that mood will negatively influence your impression of someone else later in the day.

Rationally, you know the two things have nothing to do with each other, but your brain still unconsciously makes the connection between your current feelings and the other person. When you better understanding your feelings and where they come from, you avoid making this mistake so easily.

Ask yourself…

• What am I feeling? Don’t just say you feel “good” or “bad” – be specific. Is it “sadness” or “anger” or “disappointment?” Try your best to find one or two words that best describe your feeling. Research shows that labeling your emotions in the moment can help you overcome them.
• When did I first notice this feeling? How long has the feeling been going on for? Did you just begin feeling it, or has it been looming around for awhile? What are the physical sensations behind your emotions?
• What’s the primary cause of this feeling? Try to think of what event in your life caused you to feel this way. Is there something that happened that stands out? What are your emotional triggers?
• What are possible secondary causes of this feeling? What are some other factors that may be contributing to this emotion? Are there multiple “little things” that may have built up throughout the day? Is there a general feeling of stress or anxiety that may be amplifying your feelings more than usual?
• Am I sleepy, hungry, or fatigued? When our bodies are feeling out-of-whack, that can also cause increased negative emotions. This is especially true when it comes to lack of sleep, or skipping a meal, or not getting enough exercise and physical activity. For example, one recent study found that sleepless nights are more likely to lead to anger and arguments among couples.
• How should I respond to this feeling? What’s the best course of action to take in response to this emotion? Should you talk to someone, listen to music, go for a walk, or do something productive? Create a plan to respond to negative emotions before they happen, so you are better prepared to respond to them when they arise.
  

• Should I just wait for this feeling to pass? Just because you feel something doesn’t mean you need to act on it. Sometimes it’s better to just “ride out” an emotion until it subsides. Our feelings are only temporary, they don’t last forever. Don’t forget the important mantra, “this too shall pass.”

Walk yourself through each of these questions and you’ll have a better understanding of where your emotions are coming from.

From a neuroscience perspective, it’s been shown that those with more connections between the “thinking” and “feeling” parts of their brain often have more emotional intelligence. This is because our ability to think about our feelings helps create a buffer between our emotions and responses, so that we don’t just act impulsively all of the time.

The simple act of thinking and questioning our feelings helps detach ourselves from the “heat of the moment.” The more you question your feelings, the more you can control them rather than let them control you.

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