Listen to Family and Friends: How to Protect Yourself from Blind Spots

Every mind has blind spots. It’s like getting a piece of food stuck in your teeth that you don’t notice until someone points it out to you. We need friends like this in our lives: people who show us things about ourselves that we sometimes have trouble picking up on.

One fascinating study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology found that, in some cases, our friends might even know us better than we know ourselves.

Researchers discovered that when it comes to certain personality traits like intelligence, creativity, and extraversion, our friends are often better at assessing us than we are. In fact, even complete strangers were shown to be better in some cases.

According to one of the researchers, Simine Vazire, Ph.D.:

“I think that it’s important to really question this knee-jerk reaction that we are our own best experts. Personality is not who you think you are; it’s who you are. Some people think by definition that we are the experts on our personality because we get to write the story, but personality is not the story — it’s the reality. So, you do get to write your own story about how you think you are, and what you tell people about yourself, but there still is reality out there, and, guess what? Other people are going to see the reality, regardless of what story you believe.”

The fact is that everyone needs to accept their bias, because everyone is biased to some degree, and everyone has their own unique window into reality that doesn’t necessarily capture the full picture.

Interestingly, one recent study published in Management Science shows that people often have a “bias blind spot.” This means that we often have trouble understanding the ways we are biased, and just assume that everything we believe must be true without question.

Sometimes this blind spot can be due to our own egos (“Of course, I’m right because I’m smart!”), but many times this blind spot is due to what psychologists call “naive realism,” which is the idea that everything we think or feel must be true (“If I’m experiencing it, how is it not real?”).

Being 100% objective is very difficult, if not impossible. Another study published in the journal Organizational Behavior and Human Decision Processes shows that people who see themselves as “objective” are actually more prone to discrimination and prejudice when it comes to hiring employees.

To be truly honest and “objective” to the best of our abilities, we actually have to first admit that our perceptions are quite subjective and dependent on our individual perspective. Only when we exercise this self-awareness do we actually become more understanding and empathetic toward other viewpoints that differ from ours.

• Accept you have blind spots – The most important thing is to first accept that you are imperfect and that you have “blind spots” in your understanding of yourself. Humility is a very under-appreciated trait in general when it comes to self development and self improvement, but we must be willing to accept our flaws if we want to be able to work on them and change them.
• Ask people, “What can I do better?” – While it can be uncomfortable to give criticism and receive criticism, smart people know how to open the door so that others can share their opinion without feeling like they are attacking you. Simply ask people, “What do you think I could do better?” Then listen to what they have to say. Inviting criticism doesn’t mean you have to listen to it, but it at least gives you extra input and things to consider.
• Ask people, “What are my best traits?” – Blind spots aren’t just about your weaknesses, you can also be blind to your strengths. Your friends, family, and coworkers can often see positive traits in you that you don’t notice in yourself. So ask them, “What are my top 3 best traits?” You may be surprised by their answers, and it can often help you think of yourself in a new light.
• Create a diverse group of friends – The more people you have in your social circle, the more points-of-view you can draw from to cover your blind spots. Building a diverse group of friends can be important for self improvement because different types of people often bring out different sides of yourself. If you only hang out with one type of people all the time, you’ll start limiting your viewpoint. By making it a goal to connect with people from all walks of life, you’ll become a more balanced and educated person overall.
• Listen to feedback, even if its uninvited or rude – The results you get out of life are often the best indicators of what you need to work on more. If people tend to get angry or upset with you when you behave a certain way, then take that as a possible sign of something that you may want to change. We must be honest with ourselves and pay attention to the feedback we get in life. Even uninvited and rude criticism can still be constructive if you’re being honest with yourself, not taking it too personally, and willing to take that information and learn from it.
• See a therapist, coach, or mental health professional – While family and friends are a great source of insight, they also have their own blind spots when it comes to how they see you. Sometimes it helps to have someone with a completely outside perspective like a therapist, coach, or mental health professional who doesn’t know you in “real life” but can still give you important insights from their vantage point.

The simple truth is that everyone has blind spots, but the big difference is that successful people know how to make up for these blind spots by listening to others, asking questions, and being willing to change themselves in the face of new information.

What blind spots do you have in your life? To find out, you’re going to have to begin to look for advice outside of yourself. And one of the best ways to do that is to listen to the feedback you get from your family and friends.

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