I’m The Prize: Why You Don’t Need to Win People Over

Do you ever get the feeling where you want to reach out to someone or start a conversation, but you end up thinking to yourself, “Who am I kidding? Why would they want to talk to me?”

People with low self-esteem and low confidence often have these negative beliefs about themselves. They don’t see the value in themselves, so they also can’t see the value of someone else getting to know them.

We say to ourselves, “I’m not that interesting,” or “I’m not that smart,” or “I’m not that good of a person,” so we end up shutting ourselves off from the world and not connecting with people in the best way we can.

One of the most important things for people with low self-esteem is to recognize their strengths, recognize their value, and believe “I’m the prize.”

Instead of worrying about if someone is going to like you or trying to “win someone over,” believe deep-down that “I’m a great person to get to know. And this person is lucky they have the opportunity to connect with me.”

That’s a powerful type of reframe. You begin to see your inherent value and worth. And it’s up to the other person if they can recognize it or not.

I sometimes joke, “My presence is a gift, but some people have trouble unwrapping it.”

That may sound a bit egotistical, but it reminds me that just because someone doesn’t like me doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. It’s possible that they just couldn’t see who I really am.

And by the way, most people are pro-social and they want to like you more than dislike you. We often underestimate how much people will like us when we first meet them. Psychologists call this “the liking gap.”

I’ll be honest, I first heard the phrase “I’m the prize” as a common affirmation in the dating community. Early on in my self-improvement, I struggled a lot with connecting with women and I wanted to improve myself.

My problem with dating was that I had tremendous approach anxiety. This means I was always too afraid and anxious to even approach women or start a conversation, because I believed deep-down that I wasn’t a good person and I wasn’t worth connecting with.

“I’m the prize” helped me to reframe my perspective. It helped to boost my confidence by teaching me that I must first and foremost believe in myself and believe that I am a person of high value.

And this affirmation can apply to all types of relationships whether at work, at home, or meeting a stranger at a party. You don’t need to “win” anyone over…if anything, you are the prize to be won.

Don’t just think of a job interview as you trying to “look good” and win the interviewer over; instead, turn the tables and ask them, “Why should I want to work for you guys? What’s so special about this company?” You don’t have to constantly sell yourself to them, have them sell themselves to you.

That can be a powerful shift in your perspective.

It changes your expectations for yourself and the kinds of relationships you want to attract in your life. It’s the belief that you deserve certain things and certain relationships in your life. And you recognize that.

The opposite of a person with an “I’m the prize” mentality is someone who constantly sells themselves short.

This person doesn’t believe they deserve the kinds of relationships they ultimately want, so they settle for whatever is right in front of them. Eventually they do get exactly what they think they deserve, through self-fulfilling prophecy.

“I’m the prize” is an affirmation that may not resonate with you, but the core idea behind it is essential: we have to believe in our inherent self-worth.

Of course, just repeating an affirmation over and over again won’t magically change your mindset. No matter how many times you tell yourself “I’m the prize,” you won’t get anywhere unless you embody that affirmation through your thoughts and actions, by actually being what you you want to be.

Recognize your value

Start by defining your strengths. Why might people want to meet you? Are you… Kind? Understanding? Funny? Adventurous? Creative? Intelligent? Interesting?

Choose one of these 2 exercises

• Identify your positive attributes. Make a list of 5-7 positive traits about yourself. Write it down and save it somewhere. Expand on your list by adding real-world examples of times you embodied that trait.
• Write a self-affirmation essay. Write a 750 word essay describing what makes you you. What do you live for? Define yourself to the best of your ability.

Both of these exercises will help boost your confidence and begin to recognize your value. “I’m the prize” isn’t just an affirmation, it needs to become a mentality.

Be patient. Keep moving your thoughts in a more positive direction day-by-day. Gradually, your confidence and self-esteem will begin to build.

You are the prize.

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