How to Improve Any Personality Trait: You Are More Flexible Than You Realize

A recent study found that your personality is often much more flexible than you realize. And even more surprisingly, changes to your personality are more associated with life satisfaction than changes to your income or material wealth.

This goes to show just how important personal growth is to your overall sense of happiness.

The good news is we can improve certain aspects of our personality by learning more about the underlying thoughts and behaviors that reflect that personality, and how we can practice them in our own lives.

Our personalities change slowly over time – this article just teaches you how to have more influence over that natural process. It’s not telling you to be someone you’re not, only how to improve upon who you already are.

Define what you want to change

Your first step is to identify exactly what it is about your personality that you want to change or improve.

Maybe you want to be more “confident,” or “intelligent,” or “funny” – it could be anything. Just choose one characteristic for now that you want to work on the most.

Once you choose the trait you want to work on, ask yourself a couple questions to clarify what exactly it means to have “X” personality trait:

• “How would I think differently if I had X?”
• “How would I feel differently if I had X?”
• “How would I act differently if I had X?”
• “How would others perceive me differently if I had X?”

These questions will give you a clearer idea on what exactly you are working toward in changing your personality.

Also, try thinking of a specific situation where you’d like to be more “confident” or “intelligent” or “funny,” and imagine how that situation would be different if you had these traits.

Find people who embody that personality trait

Now that you’ve chosen something that you want to work on, the next step is to find people who embody this personality trait.

One of the best things to do is create a list of role models who you feel best fit a certain characteristic. Choose both real-world examples, including friends, family, coworkers, and acquaintances, as well as fictitious examples, like characters from movies, books, or TV.

Whenever I focus on changing an area in my life, I always start by finding other people who have already reached that level of success in that area. They are the best place to start learning.

If you can, ask the person questions about what they think it takes to become “confident,” “intelligent,” or “funny.” Try to see if they have any good advice or suggestions that can help get you started.

Ask them explicitly, “What is it like to be X?” and they will often give you insight into their mental state that you can then apply to yourself.

We are very social learners – we absorb most of our knowledge and personality from others. Use this to your advantage and find specific people who you want to be more like.

Visualize a new version of yourself

Using a lot of the information you get from the previous steps, you are now ready to visualize a new version of yourself.

Visualization can be a very effective tool in changing your personality. It’s a form of “mental rehearsal” that can lead to new connections in your brain, which can then influence new patterns in your daily thoughts and behavior.

By visualizing a new version of yourself, you basically prepare yourself to act out in these new ways in the real world.

This is why visualization works best if you imagine a specific action in a specific situation – especially a situation you frequently find yourself in – maybe at home, at work, or at a place you go to a lot.

With practice, the next time you find yourself in a similar situation, your “mental rehearsal” will kick in and you’ll be more likely to change your normal response.

Practice it in small doses

To build a new personality trait, you need to consciously practice it before it becomes more natural to you. This is why I recommend starting small.

For example, maybe you want to work on being more “funny.” One good thing you can do is write down a particularly funny joke or story you thought of recently.

Then mentally rehearse it a couple times – and when an appropriate situation presents itself, deliver the joke or story to a coworker, friend, or family member.

Whenever you step outside of your usual personality, it’s going to feel a bit weird and uncomfortable at first. The only way to pass through this initial resistance is to just keep practicing until it becomes more natural.

For example, maybe your first few jokes will bomb, you just need to take that experience, learn from it. and adjust yourself. It’s the same as practicing anything else.

With time and patience, you can continue to build on these new personality traits and really make some significant and noticeable changes.

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