How to Create Psychological Distance Between You and Your Past

Many people have a hard time letting go of the past. They carry it around with them, ruminate about it constantly, and let it have a big impact on how they live their lives in the present moment.

Of course the past will always be something that influences you to some degree. A lot of who you are and what you’ve learned is the culmination of experiences from your personal history.

However, while the past may influence your future, it doesn’t have to dictate it. And it doesn’t have to be something that always looms over your shoulder wherever you go.

Instead, we can create a space between ourselves and the past that allows us to grow in new ways. We can do this by creating a type of psychological distance, which is the subjective perception of how far away something is from your current reality.

The more distance you can create between you and your past, the easier is to move on and put your best foot forward in the future.

This article covers key guidelines and tools you can use to create more psychological distance between you and your past.

View your past from an outside perspective

One great way to create psychological distance is to imagine yourself looking back at an event from an outside perspective.

Think of a bad experience that happened to you. Now imagine yourself sitting in a movie theater watching this event on the screen. Play with it – rewind it, fast forward it, watch it in reverse, or watch it at a super slow or super fast speed.

You can play around with the colors too. How does the memory feel when it’s in black-and-white vs. color? What if you make it look like an old reel-to-reel/silent movie from the 1920s – does it still feel the same way?

Imagine yourself eating popcorn while watching it, or just imagine yourself getting up and walking out of the movie theater. The character on the screen isn’t you anymore.

By practicing this, you create more “distance” between you and the experience. You’re watching it from a third-person perspective rather than remembering it from a first-person perspective. This helps make the memory less intense and less associated with your personal identity.

In a similar way, studies show there is a power behind talking to yourself in the third person. This is another way to create a more “outside” perspective over your past and current experiences. Another interesting way to accomplish this is to give your negative “inner voice” a name.

Every time you revisit a past memory, you change it a little bit by adding new information, or a new perspective, or a new feeling to it.

It’s important to remember that every recall is a reframe – our memories are more flexible than we realize.

When you start seeing things from a more “outside perspective,” you not only create more psychological distance, but you also put yourself in a better position to learn from the experience and move forward.

Change your environment

One easy and practical way to create psychological distance is to change your environment.

Start with the place that most reminds you of your past – your bedroom, living room, office, or wherever. Then work on changing it up – putting up new decorations, adding new pictures, moving the furniture, painting the walls a different color, getting a new rug, etc.

Go on a tidying marathon and get rid of everything (or hide everything) that reminds you of that period in your life. Cleaning by itself can have a cleansing effect on the mind as well, providing more of a feel of a “fresh start” or “new beginning.”

The music you listen to on a daily basis is another part of your environment that you can consider changing. We often associate a particular band, song, or album with a particular time period in our life, so seeking new music can create immediate psychological distance by helping you “turn the page” on one chapter in your life and open up a new one.

A more bold option is to do a hard reset on your life, such as moving to a completely new place or changing careers. Physical distance is one of the most immediate ways to start creating psychological distance, but I would only recommend it as a “last resort.”

However you do it, creating a new environment can become a powerful symbolic of opening up a new chapter in your life.

Seek new experiences and new memories

Actively seeking new experiences is another great way to create psychological distance.

One way we cling to the past is by not trying new things. We’d rather stay in our homes, visit the same places, and follow the same routine. This keeps us trapped in the same patterns that remind us of our past.

Instead, go out to new places, make new friends, and be open to new activities. A new hobby or new relationship can completely redefine the current state of your life and open you up to all the new possibilities for the future.

Focus on building new memories for the future, rather than only focusing on the memories you already have.

Often times the best way to go forward is to keep yourself active. As Winston Churchill famously put it, “If you’re going through hell, keep going.”

Keep yourself active in a healthy and constructive way; don’t just keep yourself busy, but keep yourself learning, growing, and evolving as a person, even if that means going outside of your “comfort zone” and exploring new aspects of yourself. You never know what “new you” you might find.

It’s just like needing to date new people before you can get over an ex, or achieving a new goal before you can get over a previous failure. Keep moving.

Carl Jung said, “In my experience, I have found that the solutions to all of life’s most intractable problems are not through any form of intellect or cleverness. They are solved simply by moving on.”

Time heals all wounds. As you keep growing and time continues to pass, psychological distance naturally occurs.

Remind yourself of things that have changed

Most of the change in our lives is slow and gradual, it’s not until we stop and look back 5-10 years that we notice just how different our lives are today.

For this reason, it’s very important to remind yourself of things that have already changed in your life. This can help create psychological distance, because it makes you more aware of the “distance” you’ve already covered but just haven’t yet acknowledged.

Take 5 minutes and just write down 3 small ways your life has changed in the past year – think back to how your life was in the past vs. how it is now in the present.

Everything in life is in a constant state of flux, and everything is bound by the reality of “this too shall pass.” Accept that life has already changed and it will continue to change.

One of my favorite reminders is to “Look back on how far you’ve traveled, not just on how far you have to go.” This is a short and sweet way to create more psychological distance between you and your past.

Try to see the complete picture behind your life (the past, present, and future), rather than just focusing narrowly on one chapter that feel like it’s defining your whole life.

The more you can “zoom out” and see the bigger picture behind your life, the less significant any single event will seem.

Imagine yourself walking through a mental door

Ultimately, psychological distance is based on our subjective perception. It’s a distance that is created in your mind, not the physical world.

When you want to make a deep change in your mindset, it’s often useful to tap into the power of symbols and metaphors.

A new symbol can help you add new meaning to life. A new metaphor can completely change your perspective of any given situation.

One symbol I’ve used in the past to create psychological distance between myself and my past is “walking through a new door.”

There was a time when I was really heartbroken and stuck on a past relationship in my life. No matter what I did, I felt like I couldn’t mentally “separate” myself from the relationship even though I knew rationally it was long over.

One exercise I started doing to create distance was visualizing myself walking through a new door into a new world.

I would start by visualizing the person I was still attached to. Then I would turn my back on the person, walk away from them, and enter through a new beautiful, bright, shiny door that symbolized the opening of a “new chapter.”

Behind this beautiful door, there was an open grass meadow with a beaming sun and beautiful flowers and wildlife. For me, this symbolized “future opportunities” and reminded me that there is still a lot more of life to explore and enjoy.

The whole exercise happens in the first person, so you can directly experience it looking through your own eyes. This is different than the “movie theater” exercise mentioned above which is done in the third person.

You can use whatever symbol you want for a brighter future. The main idea is to walk through this mental door and toward new feelings of hope and excitement for what life still has to offer.

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