Giving People Space: Know When to Leave People Alone

While clearly a relationship cannot work if we never spend time with that person, it’s similarly true that a relationship cannot work if we always need to spend time with that person.

Too much of any one person can make us possessive and clingy. We become co-dependent on that person to make us feel happy and whole.

When we don’t get to be around that person 24/7 – or when we don’t get our necessary “fix” of someone – we become easily depressed, frustrated, bored, or angry.

In a way, we can become addicted to certain people whom we must spend all of our time with. We crave them like a drug. And like a drug addict we begin to need higher and higher doses to keep ourselves happy and satisfied. But this cannot last.

There is a balance in every relationship: when to give people attention vs. when to give people space.

We can’t physically be with someone at all times. And even if we could, that wouldn’t necessarily be a good thing.

People need their space. And it’s important to remember that everyone has a right to take up space without you always being around or interfering.

Everyone is an individual with his or her own values, interests, hobbies, and goals. When our relationships don’t respect this independence, they can become destructive and harmful.

Giving people space allows us (and others) to find ourselves without having our lives revolve around a single person.

In fact, research shows that healthy time spent in solitude is an important part of becoming a self-aware and independent person.

Most people don’t want to be in a relationship where they are around the other person all of the time. And when they do, it’s usually a sign that they have low self-esteem or they don’t trust the other person to be doing things on their own.

They begin to feel that if the person isn’t spending enough time with them, then they must not be “good enough.” And their clinginess and possessiveness creates jealousy and insecurity.

Here are warning signs you’re in a clingy relationship that doesn’t give enough space:

1. You always think about the person when you’re not with them.

2. You’re constantly calling/texting/instant-messaging the person throughout the day (and get upset when they don’t answer back right away).

3. You spend almost all of your free time with them.

4. You become easily depressed or agitated when you aren’t with them.

5. You become jealous and insecure when they spend time with other people.

6. You can’t imagine yourself spending a day or week without them.

7. You don’t respect people’s wishes when they ask to be left alone.

The truth is it’s healthy for both ourselves and our relationships to spend time doing other things, seeing other people, or even just spending time alone.

We need this time away from people to remind ourselves the bigger picture. Not only does it help us appreciate the rest that life has to offer, but time away from loved ones also teaches us to appreciate them more.

And at the end of the day, giving people space makes us more connected to them. It gives us time to reflect and appreciate the people in our lives, so that we don’t just take them for granted. As the old adage goes, “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.”

There are many ways we can spend our time differently and allow more space in our relationships, including:

• Catching up with other friends and family.
• Reading a book, watching a movie, or listening to music.
• Starting a creative hobby like playing music, or painting, or writing.
• Going to the gym, exercising, or playing sports.
• Volunteering in your local community.
• Going on a week long vacation.
• Joining a club centered around an activity you enjoy doing.
• Taking time to meditate or pray.

How you spend your time is up to you. The point is you should choose activities that align with your interests and goals in life, especially activities that you wouldn’t be able to do with the people you normally hang out with.

Balance is a key component in all of life and it’s equally important in our relationships. Learning how to spend quality time away from people is just as important as learning how to spend quality time with them.

Are you able to give people space?

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