We have a vital human need to feel loved and appreciated by others. Discover the profound impact of appreciation on self-worth, relationships, and well-being, and learn practical tips to cultivate more love and gratitude from others.
Self-worth is essential, but it can be difficult to feel good about yourself without a sense of appreciation from others.
As a social species, we can’t help but be affected by how others perceive us and treat us. We like to think “screw the world, I know my worth!” but we are evolutionarily wired to care what others think. If we walk through life without anyone ever expressing gratitude for our existence, we are going to naturally feel unwanted and unloved.
The need for appreciation applies to many different areas in life, including among family, friends, coworkers, bosses, and loved ones.
For example, one of the most common complaints I hear from disgruntled workers is, “No one seems to appreciate what I do around here.” Unsurprisingly, research shows that being thanked more often at work predicts greater work satisfaction, including better sleep, less stress, fewer headaches, and healthier eating. This is especially true for “thankless jobs” like nursing, teaching, or customer service.
The same holds true for romantic relationships. Psychologists studied over 300 couples over a 15 month period and discovered that daily “thank you’s” and perceived gratitude was associated with greater relationship stability, including protecting couples against common stressors such as financial problems and ineffective arguing.
All in all, this need to feel loved and appreciated is at the core of our being. It doesn’t make us weak or insecure, it’s just a natural part of being human.
If you feel this need being unfulfilled, keep in mind that you’re not alone. It’s a common experience in today’s world, especially as rates of loneliness and depression continue to increase.
Never forget: you’re not broken or undeserving of love, you just haven’t found the right sources yet.
While this process of feeling appreciated can often feel like an uphill battle, here are tips and advice to point you in the right direction…
💛 Practice Self-love and Compliment Yourself Daily
To start, you can always express love and appreciation to yourself when there is nobody else. Make note of your accomplishments, strengths, and good deeds.
Write a loving letter to yourself. Learn to give yourself at least one compliment every day. Trust that you deserve self-compassion even if it doesn’t always feel that way.
Once you learn to appreciate yourself more, you’ll be more receptive to appreciation from others.
📞 Reconnect with Family and Old Friends
We often forget the social connections we already have available to us, but there’s a great power in checking in on people and preserving the positive relationships we already have in our lives.
Make a list of 1-5 people you can reconnect with (via email, text, or phone) and consider reaching out to them for a friendly chat. It may have been awhile since you last spoke to them, but they will likely appreciate you reaching out just as much as you do.
Remind them that you’re still thinking about them, they are important to you, and you’re glad they have been a part of your life.
📢 Express Your Needs
While it’s not always a comfortable conversation, sometimes the most important thing you can do is express your needs directly when they aren’t being met.
Try not to be confrontational or blame the other person. Simply say, “Hey, sometimes I’m having a difficult day and it would really mean a lot to me if you can say some kind words or show you appreciate me more.”
If you can think of past examples of them appreciating you, that can go a long way. For example, “Remember that time you came home from work and brought me flowers? I really loved that.”
Communicating your feelings can be tricky because it may make the other person defensive. Choose a positive or neutral situation where you are both in a calm state of mind, and express your needs in a nonjudgmental tone.
If the person really cares about you, they should put in the extra effort to show it. If not, it may mean they are genuinely not a good fit for you.
🎁 Show Your Appreciation Toward Others
All relationships are a two-way street. You can often set an example for how you want to be treated based on how you treat others.
Practice showing more appreciation in your own relationships. Make a habit to compliment a friend, coworker, or loved one at least once per day, and they will be more likely to reciprocate it back to you.
Get creative with your kindness and have fun with it. Bring food into work, surprise people with simple gifts, share playful jokes, and try to radiate a more positive aura when around others.
People will begin to associate you with positive feelings and learn to respond to it in kind.
💻 Join a Supportive Online Community
When it’s difficult to find love and support in the real world, finding the right online communities is always an option.
Often times it’s easier to find people you can relate to on the internet than in person, especially when you are dealing with specific problems or troubles that aren’t common or easy to talk about.
There’s an online forum or message board for nearly everything, including those who have lost loved ones, or suffer extreme social anxiety, or feel stuck in abusive relationships, or have a rare chronic disease.
Social media is an option too, but you should carefully cultivate your feed to avoid unnecessary negativity and drama. Our digital environment can become destructive or counter-productive if we don’t actively carve out a positive space for ourselves (so that’s something to be mindful of).
Ultimately, the ability to connect with like-minded people online reminds us that we aren’t alone and we don’t have to work through these difficult situations all by ourselves.
🪑 Reach Out to a Therapist, Coach, or Counselor
Keep in mind that there are mental health professionals out there that can provide you with the empathy, compassion, and kindness you’re looking for.
While many see this option as a last resort, people are often surprised by how good it feels to finally open up to someone 1-on-1 and be able to share their thoughts and feelings without being judged or ridiculed.
Finding the right therapist, coach, or counselor can be a process. You may need to “shop around” before finding someone that is a good fit for you.
If you’ve been following my articles for awhile, you may feel comfortable reaching out to me for coaching. I take pride in my ability to connect with all types of people from all walks-of-life and I’d be happy to connect with you.
You can also search for options in your local area and meet up with someone in person.
💌 The Need for Appreciation
The need for appreciation can’t be ignored. It’s a part of what makes us human and it’s going to be difficult to find happiness if this need goes forever unfulfilled.
The science is clear on this. A lot of research shows that people who experience daily feelings of love and connection report greater well-being and life satisfaction, including feelings of purpose and optimism.
Be honest and ask yourself, “Is your need for appreciation being met?”
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