Conversation Threading: How to Never Run Out of New Things to Say

One common concern for many people, especially those with social anxiety, is “How do I keep a conversation going?”

Many people worry that they will run out of new things to talk about. And then that dreaded “awkward silence” will come in, and the whole social interaction will be ruined.

It’s important to be able to hold meaningful conversations with people – but it takes practice.

One powerful tool for improving your conversation skills is known as conversation threading. It shows you how you can take anything someone says and turn it into a new comment or question.

If you observe other people’s conversations, you’ll find that they rarely follow a logical sequence from beginning to end. Instead, we usually go in many different directions. We start talking about one thing and then we get lost in another.

Have you ever found yourself talking about something really weird with someone, and then thought, “How did this conversation start again?” That’s just one example of how random conversations can be sometimes.

There are infinite possible paths any conversation can take, so it’s possible to keep a conversation going forever without ever running out of things to say.

This is the essential lesson behind “conversation threading.” Now let me show you how to use it!

Conversation Threading: How to Never Run Out of New Things to Say

To start, a “thread” is any single subject, topic, or idea.

Everything is a thread…school, work, family, religion, politics, news, movies, TV, music, cooking, art, current events, people, friends, hobbies…

The basic idea behind conversation threading is that, in a typical sentence, there are often multiple threads you can “pull on” or respond to by making a comment or asking a question about them.

What threads you choose to “pull on” ultimately decide what direction the conversation will go.

“Conversation threading” is a natural way almost all social interactions unfold; even very social people practice it in their daily conversations without being aware of it.

For example, let’s take the simple sentence:

“On Sunday, Jake and I saw the movie Moneyball.”

This is a very basic sentence, but there are several threads in it. In each thread, you can find something to reply to, such as:

• Sunday – “Oh yeah? On Sunday I was helping my mom clean out the garage all day.”
• Jake – “How is Jake doing? I haven’t seen him in awhile.”
• Movies – “Nice. I watched ‘Good Will Hunting’ the other day, one of my favorites!”
• Moneyball – “How was Moneyball? I have yet to see it, but it’s on my list!”

Threads are a lot like tree branches. When we reply to someone, we usually add new branches – new possible directions that the conversation may lead.

If you choose the “Jake” branch, then you may start talking about what he’s been up to lately, as well as other old friends and how they’re doing. If you choose the “Movies” branch, then you may start talking about other good movies you’ve seen recently.

Conversation threading is effective because it continues the flow of conversation by staying on-topic, yet it still gives you choice and flexibility to take the conversation where you want.

How to Apply “Conversation Threading” to Your Everyday Conversations

Here are important tips and advice for making the most of “conversation threading” and applying it to your daily conversations.

• Actively listen for potential threads. Be an engaged listener when someone is talking to you. Be in the moment. Try to avoid “thinking too much” and actively listen for what the other person is communicating to you. The better listener you are, the easier it will be to identify new threads to “pull on.”
  

• Focus on open-ended questions. Questions are the best way to keep introducing new threads and keep the person talking. Focus on open-ended questions that get the person to share their opinions, thoughts, and stories, rather than simple close-ended questions that can be answered with an abrupt “Yes” or “No.”
• Share your stories and opinions when relevant. If someone mentions a thread that you have knowledge or experience with, then feel free to jump in and share your own stories and opinions. This is especially true if you can share good news, such as a movie or band you like, a positive experience at work, an interesting news story you read about recently, or a past accomplishment in your life.
  

• Feel free to introduce new threads. You don’t have to just respond to what others say. When appropriate, feel free to bring up entirely new threads and see where the conversation goes from there. Don’t be afraid to “take the spotlight” and introduce topics that you want to talk about from time-to-time.
• Repeat back to reinforce what people say. A lot of conversation is just repeating back what people say to you, or agreeing with them. Someone says “I really don’t like this new boss at my job,” and you just respond “Ah…you don’t like your new boss?” Add a question mark to pass the ball back to them and give them an opportunity to talk more about it. People tend to like it when they have their thoughts or opinions repeated back to them, even if you aren’t adding any new information to the conversation. This is known as the “echo effect,” and it’s a helpful technique for connecting with people better even when you don’t necessarily have anything interesting to add to the conversation. (Of course, you have to do this in moderation…otherwise people are going to think you are just mockingly repeating them without participating).
• Have general knowledge about news, current events, and pop culture. In general, having a diverse array of interests and hobbies is going to make it easier for you to connect with those who have similar interests. While we all have our own “eccentric tastes,” I also recommend a healthy dose of current events and pop culture. Do stuff that other people do once in awhile, even if it’s just to stay connected to “mainstream culture.” This could include watching popular movies, TV shows, or sports, as well as following local news and current events. In theory, the more knowledge you have about the world, the more fodder you have for future conversation.
  

• Cultivate improvisation skills. Improvisation skills are great for improving your social skills and conversation skills, because improvisation teaches you how to “think on the fly” and respond to whatever is happening in the moment. It’s a great skill to have in combination with “conversation threading.” Consider looking up a local improv class or check out these improvisation exercises you can try with family and friends. There’s a lot of interesting research coming out showing the many mental benefits of learning improvisation (including making people happier, more creative, and better able to manage anxiety and uncertainty).
• Watch/listen to other people’s conversations. Observing others is the best way to become more mindful of social interactions. Listen to other people’s conversations and make note how the conversation moves from one thread to another. This can also include watching conversations unfold in movies, TV shows, books, or podcasts. For an interesting experiment, try writing down each thread that comes up in a single podcast episode, then look back and see how the topics flowed into one another.
• Practice with online conversations. It’s often easier to have a conversation on the internet than in person, especially for those who have social anxiety or extreme shyness. You have more time to respond and you don’t have the extra anxiety that often comes with “face-to-face” interactions. For that reason, it can be a good idea to practice “conversation threading” on a forum, message board, email, or chatroom where you can more clearly think out your responses and identify each individual thread. This is especially helpful if you can have a positive digital environment that is free from unnecessary negativity and criticism.
• Let go of past mistakes quickly. Every conversation has some mistakes, mispronunciations, and flubs. That’s just part of being human. Don’t let any temporary awkwardness get in the way of building a genuine connection. Most people want to like you; in fact, psychologists have found that we often underestimate how much a person likes us when we first meet them. They call it the “liking gap” – this is a good lesson to remind yourself whenever you are meeting new people: most people are pro-social at heart and want to be your friend more than your enemy.
• Be yourself at the end of the day. You have the right to be yourself. Feel free to share your thoughts and opinions openly and honestly, but also politely and without trying to hurt others. Don’t feel like you have to hide yourself to be liked. At the end of the day, the costs of being yourself are worth it, because in the long-term the rewards outweigh them.

These are key tips and advice to help improve your daily conversations.

Try to keep the “conversation threading” framework in mind the next time you are in a social situation. Ultimately, the more mindful you are of the flow of your conversations, the easier it will be for you to genuinely connect with people and build stronger relationships.

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