Are you trapped in a game of “archaeology,” where you’re constantly digging into your past searching for answers but unable to move forward?
You can’t move forward if you’re stuck revisiting the past.
Of course, it’s important to reflect on our past to learn, grow, and improve from it. If we completely ignore old habits and old patterns, then we won’t know how we can adjust them or change them.
People who completely ignore their pasts are bound to repeat them. Making time for healthy reflection plays an important role in digesting our experiences, transforming the information we learn from them, and evolving as a person.
This includes also being able to talk about your past with a supportive family member, friend, coach, or therapist. We all need that one person we can open up to without judgment. Someone who will accept us, listen to us, and provide a fresh outside perspective.
And while it can be painful to revisit those past memories – especially mistakes, failures, and disappointments – often that is a prerequisite to being fully honest with yourself.
You can’t deny that your history shapes you and your map of reality – how you see the world and how you respond to it.
If you have a life filled with conflict, competition, and hostility, you’re naturally going to be on guard, untrustworthy, and sensitive to any potential threats. Our environment shapes who we become, there’s no doubt about it.
However, there comes a point where constantly digging into your past isn’t going to provide you the answers you are really searching for.
We can look back on our past to rationalize why we are the way we are, but it doesn’t necessarily tell us what the best way forward is. We have to look toward the future for that!
If we only look at the past and never look toward the future, we often get trapped in the never-ending game of “Archaeology.”
Archaeology: Trapped Digging Up the Past
“Archaeology” is a psychological game coined by Eric Berne, the founder of Transactional Analysis.
The game follows one simple rule: when in doubt, go digging into your past searching for answers.
Archaeology is more than just reflecting on your life history – it’s an automatic response to always blame and justify your actions in terms of something that happened to you in the past.
This is what makes it a game – because the ulterior motive behind Archaeology is to avoid taking responsibility for where your life is heading.
It’s hard to move forward when you can always look back at your past and dig up piles of evidence to justify your current situation.
Unhealthy? Blame the poor eating habits you learned as a kid. Lazy? Blame your parents for not disciplining you. Bad at saving money? Blame your school for never teaching you about finance.
Of course, these can ALL be completely valid reasons why you are the way you are.
The deeper question is: How does this type of thinking help you to grow and improve into the future?
At a certain point, Archaeology only feeds into the belief “this is just who I am” which translates to “Why even bother?”
Do you see how that type of thinking can eventually lead to self-handicapping and self-sabotage? A type of self-fulfilling prophecy?
You can dig into your past and find a million reasons why you are the way you are – but you only need one powerful reason to change.
One tempting part about Archaeology is that it never gets old and there are always new things to discover.
You can revisit the past and replay it from all different angles and perspectives, and none of that necessarily changes the path forward.
Unfortunately, sometimes therapists, coaches, and counselors get trapped playing Archaeology with their clients and patients. Their sessions become another excavation into ancient past experiences. They keep revisiting the same sites over and over again, searching for any new fossils or artifacts to examine. They continue to pile up the evidence to understand why things are the way they are.
And there’s a time and place for that.
But there’s also a time and a place to move forward.
The Path Forward Stays the Same
Re-tracing your past steps isn’t going to create a new path – that can only be paved with action.
If you’re not balancing your reflection with action, then you can’t expect anything significant to change in your life.
You can collect every single fact about yourself, like a type of information junkie waiting for the “perfect answer” before they can finally move forward.
What if there are no perfect answers? What if Archaeology is a game you can’t win?
Life is a complicated puzzle – it’s tempting to want to solve it, but self-improvement isn’t about finding old answers as much as it is about creating new ones.
You create answers by putting your best foot forward and taking things one day at a time.
It starts with the simple question, “What is one positive action I can take today to start moving in the right direction?”
10 minutes of exercise. 10 minutes of writing. 10 minutes of playing guitar. 10 minutes of catching up with an old friend. That’s what self-improvement looks like. That’s how it starts.
Then you take that smallest step in the right direction…and you keep going. Step-by-step. You begin to build energy and momentum; and the future begins to change.
Ultimately, you have to recognize that your future is always bigger than your past, because that’s where your real power is.
Yes, the past is massive and daunting. It can become a huge weight on your back; but however large it may seem, it’s not as big as the future.
Take a moment to “zoom out” and see the complete picture. There may even be a point in the future when you look back on all these things you concern yourself about the past and they seem far less significant and less meaningful than they do right now. You have to at least be open to that possibility if you want to build a brighter future.
Once you see that, playing Archaeology becomes less important than playing Visionary, a person who can look toward the future with confidence, optimism, and wisdom.
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