The Right to Take Up Space

Many people with low confidence and low self-esteem have the belief that “I don’t have the right to take up space” in this world, even if they don’t realize it.

They walk through life trying to be as little of a disturbance as possible. Never speaking their minds. Never doing things they want to do. Never dressing as they want. Never really living their lives because they are too afraid of upsetting other people – or being judged for being themselves.

Here’s one small example, but it touches on something much bigger.

Have you ever seen someone get bumped into by someone else on the street, but they are the one that quickly apologizes and says “I’m sorry!”

They didn’t do anything wrong. They were just standing there, or walking in their own lane – but then someone else carelessly comes rushing by and hits into them.

What are they apologizing for? Are they apologizing for simply taking up space?

While perhaps the person apologizing is just being polite (or trying to defuse an awkward situation), some people carry this attitude with them wherever they go.

They try not to get in anyone’s way even when that means someone else is invading their space – even when that means essentially apologizing for their existence. Imagine all the other ways they deprive themselves from living their lives to the fullest.

You shouldn’t apologize for your existence. You have the right to take up space in this world just as much as anyone else.

This includes both physical space in the world (your personal boundaries and home) and your mental space in the world (such as expressing your opinion and sharing your life story).

In both spaces, it is important that you defend yourself.

This means knowing when to stick up for yourself when someone is violating your boundaries and space. And it also means claiming your space when you have something you want to share or contribute to the world.

Confident people are not afraid to take up space.

In fact, really confident people sometimes claim more space than necessary, by speaking too much or too loudly, or sharing too much, or literally through expansive body postures and gestures.

As someone who used to suffer a lot from low self-esteem, I used to rarely claim my right to take up space.

I’d be silent and never voice my opinions, while people talked over me. I wouldn’t stand up for my personal boundaries, while people bullied me. And thus, naturally, people would walk all over me.

If someone doesn’t feel like they have the right to take up space, they are going to get literally and figuratively walked over their entire life.

When a person doesn’t recognize their right to take up space, they sell themselves short and ultimately limit their potential in life.

A successful artist, musician, or performer knows how to take up space. They know how to stand up and be like, “This is me, this is my work, I want you to see what I can do!”

Because they recognize they have that inherent right as human beings.

There was an interesting study published in the journal Thinking Skills and Creativity that discovered people with “narcissistic tendencies” are more likely to pursue creative activities.

To pursue any big goal in life, you have to have some strong belief in who you are and what you are capable of.

If you don’t believe in yourself, you won’t even try to achieve anything great. An element of positive delusion may even be necessary to truly reach your full potential.

People often say artists and musicians have huge egos and they are full of themselves. I think one of the best examples of this is Kanye West, who is in my mind probably one of the most creative hip-hop and pop musicians of our time, and yet someone who has an enormous ego and sense of self-worth.

While I would never encourage people to be “narcissistic,” perhaps there is something to learn from this drive to take up space; but instead of calling it “narcissism,” let’s just call it a healthy dose of confidence.

One of my favorite people who embodies this personality is Salvador Dali. He was great at taking up space and owning who he was as a person, whether he was walking his pet anteater around Paris, or borrowing his friends Rolls Royce filling it to the roof with cauliflower and driving it to around.

This whole picture just screams “Look at me! I’m the sh*t!” Even his posture looks like a type of power pose. I often think about this image frequently, whenever I find myself caring too much about what other people think.

Sure, maybe Salvador Dali was a bit of an attention fiend and liked to provoke people, but he was certainly someone who knew his right to take up space and took advantage of it.

Many people who feel like they don’t have the right to take up space, often ask themselves, “Why me? Why should I have the opportunity to show off who I am?”

And maybe you can’t think of any really good reasons.

However, the people who do feel like they have the right to take up space, ask themselves, “Why not me? Why shouldn’t I have the opportunity to show off who I am?”

And they too can’t think of any really good reasons.

You have just as much of a right to take up space as anyone else who exists in the world. Right? What gives anyone else a special privilege to take up space, but not you?

Taking up space is a balancing act. It requires testing your boundaries, expanding yourself, and putting yourself out there.

And when you put yourself out there more, you’re going to get a lot of feedback from others – some positive and some negative. You’re going to find some people liking you and agreeing with you, while others not liking you so much, disagreeing with you, and maybe just flat-out considering you an enemy or threat.

Taking up space means you’re more likely to be judged. But that’s only something you are going to get more used to and comfortable with once you start putting yourself out there more. Ultimately, it’s worth it to the pay the costs of being yourself.

The more you’re judged, and the more you put yourself out there, the more you become desensitized to negative feedback. Which means you’re becoming more comfortable being yourself despite what others think – and that’s one of the most valuable traits one can cultivate in themselves.

Because if you’re living life the way you personally see fit (which I think we all aim for), then you’re going to have to know when to ignore other people, and that making yourself happy doesn’t always mean making everyone else around you happy.

I think each and every one of us has a right to take up space and express who we are. This includes the freedom to think as we want, speak as we want, dress as we want, and act as we want (as long as it doesn’t infringe on the rights of others).

So don’t hesitate or be afraid to take up more space in your life – and show the world who you really are and what you stand for.

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