Triggers: Creating Boundaries Between You and Your Bad Habits

Willpower is an important aspect of changing ourselves for the better, but it can only get us so far.

The truth is you only have a certain amount of willpower you can use throughout the course of your day. When you are tempted to do something, but you choose NOT to – that takes up energy and effort.

You can only actively resist temptations so many times in a short period of time.

Once your willpower is running low, it becomes more and more difficult to resist bad habits and cravings. At that point, you need to let yourself relax and recharge before your willpower “reservoir” builds up again.

In one interesting study published in Psychological Science, it was found that it’s easier for people to be more “moral” and “ethical” in the morning (such as not lying, cheating, or stealing) rather than later in the day. This is because these moral acts often require discipline and self-control.

This is just one example of how our limited willpower influences our choices throughout the day. It may be easier to avoid arguing or lashing out at someone early in the day (especially after your first cup of coffee), but after resisting these temptations all day long you finally get home and snap.

This phenomenon applies to any bad habit or behavior that we need to actively resist. It’s only after you’ve trained yourself to not follow that negative pattern anymore that it takes up less willpower and becomes more natural and easier for you.

So when you can’t always rely on sheer willpower, what can you do? One tool you can use is to create boundaries between you and your bad habits.

The Structure of Habits

First, we know from psychology research that all habits follow a similar pattern known as a “habit loops.” A habit loop consists of 3 main parts:

• Cue – the stimulus from your environment that triggers you to do something
• Routine – the physical action you take whenever presented with the cue
• Reward – what you gain from the habit that fulfills a particular desire or craving

Every bad habit you want to change follows this pattern of “cue → routine → reward.” Understanding this pattern makes it much easier to change these habits.

Often when we try to stop bad habits we only focus on changing the “routine” phase. We wait until we are already in a situation where we want to change our response, then we try to muster up the will-power to change it.

However, at that point it may already be too late. Certain “cues” (or “triggers”) can be so strong that they create an automatic response whenever we are confronted with them.

When there’s such a strong association between the “cue” and “routine” that it’s almost automatic, it’s often best to try to avoid the “cue” altogether.

By avoiding the “cue” or “trigger,” you can cut off bad habits at their earliest phase, before you even have the idea to engage in the negative behavior in the first place.

To do this, you need to first identify the cues that trigger that bad habit.

Common types of behavioral cues that can trigger certain habits include:

• Location – Where are you when your habits are triggered? (“at a bar/party,” “at home,” “at a restaurant”)
• Time – What time of the day is it? (“late at night,” “early morning”)
• Mood – What’s your emotional state? (“anxious,” “sad,” “angry”)
• Thoughts – What are you thinking? (“I just want to have fun,” “One ____ can’t hurt me,” “You only live once!”)
• People – Who is around you when you act out these habits? (“friends/family,” “acquaintances,” “strangers,” “by myself”)
• Objects – What objects are in the room that may trigger the habit? (“alcohol/drugs,” “junk food,” “guns,” any object that is required to perform the habit)
• Immediately preceding action – What do you do right before the habit starts? (“go out at night,” “drinking/drug use,” “getting home from work”)

For some of these cues, it’s easier to create boundaries than others.

For example, if you are someone who is addicted to alcohol or drugs, there may be certain types of places (clubs/bars/parties), people (friends who also drink and do drugs), and objects (the actual substances) that make it very hard to resist your bad habit when you’re around them.

Therefore, a good first step would be trying to avoid putting yourself in those situations and surrounding yourself with those triggers.

When trying to change any bad habit, keep in mind that the more temptations there are, the easier it’s going to be to give into that urge.

To avoid those urges arising in the first place, you need to create boundaries.

Create Boundaries Between You and Your Bad Habits

To change bad habits, make them more difficult to do even when you feel like you really want to do them.

Obviously it’s harder to eat junk food if you don’t keep your home and office stocked with candy, chips, and ice cream. In the same way, it’s harder to fall back into your drug habit if you cut off all your contacts with friends and dealers who can provide you with said substance.

Create situations where it’s nearly impossible to do your bad habit even if you really wanted to. The more boundaries, the more difficult, the better.

Creating boundaries is ultimately about creating extra steps between you and your bad habits.

Those “extra steps” can be enough to deter you from following through with the bad habit (especially if they are difficult or annoying), or they can at least be enough to give you a mindful nudge, providing you time to step back and ask yourself, “Do I really want to do this?”

For example, if you check your phone too much at work, try putting it down on the other side of the room. By doing this, you can’t just mindlessly pick up your phone every 2 minutes, but instead have to go through the step of, “Where is my phone? Oh I have to get up to get it.” That tiny moment can buy you enough time to realize you don’t really need to check it right now.

You can apply this same principle to many bad habits, such as putting a lock on your kitchen cabinet that has junk food, or putting your video game system away in a drawer, or having a trusted friend hold onto your wallet when you’re out at a bar.

With each of these examples, you’re creating at least one “extra step” to follow through on that bad behavior (unlocking the lock, resetting up your gaming system, asking a friend), making it more difficult to actually do it – or at least giving you an extra moment to question your decision.

Both weak boundaries and strong boundaries can serve their purpose, depending on what the specific habit is and how potentially harmful it is. Stricter boundaries are more important when it comes to dangerous habits that you don’t want to repeat every again.

This could mean deleting numbers from toxic people (abusive relationships, bad influencers, or drug dealers) so that there’s no way to get into contact with them, or locking up any alcohol/junk food in the house (and giving someone else the lock to hide somewhere), or having a friend by your side on weekend nights to hold you accountable.

Other forms of boundary-making may require you to reevaluate and change certain aspects of your daily routine, especially when it comes to certain places you typically go to, or people you typically hang out with, or other habits they may easily lead into the bad habit.

Boundaries can make habit change easier, but don’t expect a cakewalk. At first it may suck and hurt a little to not get what you want or crave, but gradually you learn other ways to live your life and fulfill your needs.

Boundaries can often force you to change and adapt in a positive way.

If you stop hanging out with your ex and their friends, that is going to drive you seek new (and hopefully better) relationships that better serve you.

If you block certain websites (YouTube, Twitter, Reddit) or other “time-sucking activities” at work, that is going to drive you to better spend your time, procrastinate less, and be more productive.

If you eliminate all options to eat junk food, that is going to drive you to eat more healthy and develop a taste for different foods.

You have to let go of the old before you can discover something new.

At the end of the day, we can’t always trust ourselves to change when we know we should – we’re imperfect and prone to make mistakes. Situational factors can often outweigh even the best of intentions, so it’s helpful to find ways to avoid putting ourselves in certain situations before they become a problem.

If you can identify the triggers behind your bad habits, you can find better ways to avoid those triggers, and thereby circumvent your negative patterns altogether.

That’s how you start creating a new and better version of yourself.

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