Is happiness compatible with your worldview or are you destined to a life always believing, “I will never be happy?”
Have you ever had the thought that, “I will never be happy?”
Be honest. Maybe at one point in your life the thought had at least crossed your mind, or maybe this belief still persists today even as you read the words on this page.
You’re not the only one to believe you are destined for a life of misery and disappointment. I’ve certainly struggled with the belief that “I will never be happy” for most of my life until I actively started learning about psychology and taking self-improvement seriously.
Now the belief is in the distant past, but there was a period where it really stuck with me to the point where “I will never be happy” became a self-fulfilling paradigm.
At the time, it was just a part of my reality. I couldn’t even imagine a world where I was actually enjoying life, having fun, connecting with people, or doing activities that really mattered to me.
Happiness simply wasn’t compatible with my worldview.
If you want to find happiness in your life, you have to at least leave the door open for things to get better. If that door is shut, then you’ve cut off the possibility of things ever improving.
Maybe you haven’t yet discovered a way to leave that happiness door open. As the great philosopher Ludwig Wittgenstein once said, “A man will be imprisoned in a room with a door that’s unlocked and opens inwards; as long as it does not occur to him to pull rather than push.”
Of course that door is a mental one, not a physical one; even the specific words “I will never be happy” reflect a type of absolutist black and white thinking that can limit your potential for change and growth.
Technically, when you say “I will never be happy,” you’re claiming you can predict your entire future. It would be more accurate to say, “I’m not happy right now,” or “I haven’t found happiness yet.”
You can be honest with yourself in the moment without committing yourself to a life sentence of misery.
This isn’t just nitpicking: the language you use to describe your current situation will influence how you see your future and how you choose to act in the present. Words matter. They often reflect your underlying beliefs and perspective – your map of reality – and that influences how you navigate your life on a day to day basis.
A big part of finding happiness is having the right perspective, but of course that’s always easier said than done. If your life is filled with negative experiences from your past – mistakes, failures, disappointments, or bad luck – it can be difficult to see a light at the end of the tunnel.
You begin to think, “Well I’ve never been able to find happiness in my past, so there’s no reason to believe I’ll find it in my future.” And while that’s a rational belief, it’s not necessarily a pragmatic one.
One of the first insights to consider is that your past doesn’t need to dictate your future. In many ways, happiness is being able to imagine a future that is bigger than your past.
A past that is rife with pain, negativity, and suffering can be difficult to overcome, but it’s not impossible. If you can reframe your story, a negative past could be considered just Act I of a much bigger story arc. As long as you’re still alive, you have the capacity to be a hero at the end. Past suffering only makes a future triumph that much more glorious and meaningful.
Keep in mind, happiness isn’t just some object you find somewhere or buy in the store then you own it forever. It’s an ongoing process.
Every moment is an opportunity to extract a little joy or happiness, even if it’s something simple like enjoying your first cup of coffee in the morning, or a nice view of nature on your commute to work, or a friendly conversation with a stranger.
Keep the happiness door open. In fact, there are multiple doors to happiness that we pass every single day if we pay more attention to them. Learn how to savor happiness in all its forms, big or small. If you can cultivate this attitude, you will begin to discover it easier and easier to find.
One of the biggest obstacles in searching for happiness is what we believe it’s “supposed to look like” – be open to a version of happiness that you haven’t previously thought of.
Maybe when you were younger you imagined happiness as being rich, or famous, or successful, or traveling the world and going on exciting adventures; and none of those things are necessarily bad to want or desire – but happiness can also come in simpler forms.
Happiness is simple in theory, but there are many distractions…
This is not a magical solution. This is a fundamental shift in mindset that can take weeks, months, or even years to fully cultivate. Reading this article isn’t going to instantly change you, but I hope it gets you thinking in a new direction.
As the philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer famously said, “It is difficult to find happiness within oneself, but it is impossible to find it anywhere else.”
Are you at least leaving the happiness door open?
Enter your email to stay updated on new articles in self improvement: