Don’t Underestimate the Power of Good Intentions: The Meaning Behind Your Actions Matters

People often say “it’s the thought that counts” when they receive a gift, compliment, or favor – and there’s a strong psychological truth behind this idea.

In fact recent experiments published in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science show that good intentions can play a major role in our everyday experiences of pleasure and pain.

In one study, researchers had participants sit on an “easy chair” with an electronic massage pad. In one group, the machine was turned on by a computer; and in the other group, the machine was turned on by another human.

Although the massages were exactly the same, researchers found that individuals consistently experienced more pleasure by the massage when an individual person flipped the switch.

The simple idea that another human being made a conscious effort to turn on the machine (for your own joy and pleasure) made the participants perceive the massage as more enjoyable overall.

In another study, people were given a package of candy with a note on it for Valentine’s Day. For half of the participants the note read, “I picked this just for you. Hope it makes you happy.” For the other half the note read, “I just picked it randomly.”

Researchers found that the candy tasted better and sweeter when the participants received the note of good intentions rather than the note that said they were chosen randomly. Again, we see that individuals seem to enjoy their experiences more when they are the result of someone else’s positive intentions.

Often we fall into the trap of thinking only the results of our actions matter – and intentions are unimportant or irrelevant – but research is clear that other people’s intentions matter a whole lot to us.

This is true when it comes to both “kind acts” and “harmful acts.”

One interesting study published in Psychological Science found that people see “intended harm” as far worse and more damaging than “unintended harm.”

In a hypothetical scenario, participants were asked about a CEO who made a poor financial investment and had to cut employees paychecks. When participants were told the CEO made the poor investment intentionally – to undermine employees – participants viewed the act as having more damage toward workers and their families than if they were told the CEO made the poor investment by mistake.

In short, it matters to you if someone accidentally spills their drink on your new shirt or if they intentionally spill their drink on you to upset you, even if the consequences of the action itself are exactly the same.

When people perceive a bad deed as intentional, they often have a stronger urge to punish that person and seek justice. When the bad deed is unintentional, it’s easier to find forgiveness and let it go.

In all cases, our intentions make a big difference.

As social beings, it deeply matters to us not only how people act, but why they act. What were they thinking? What were their intentions? Were they trying to help me or hurt me (or neither)?

The experiments mentioned above are small and simple, but they have profound implications on the role of intentions in our everyday lives.

What are your intentions when you interact with others – are you able to treat people with genuine kindness or do you often have ulterior motives?

It’s important to get your intentions right if you want to maximize the good you create in this world.

The Power of Good Intentions in Our Everyday Lives

When you act with good intentions, you make the world a better place.

Good intentions improve other people’s daily experiences. People enjoy knowing that other people are doing something out of the “goodness of their heart.” A home-cooked meal by a loved one often tastes better than something prepared at a restaurant, because of that secret psychological ingredient of “love” or “good intentions.”

When we learn to focus more on other people’s well-being – and cultivate a “giving mindset” with good intentions – we can more easily express our love through gifts, favors, and compliments. By doing this, we make life better for everyone.

Being kind and helpful toward others boosts our own happiness and well-being as well. It makes us feel purposeful, because it proves we can make a positive difference in someone’s life.

One new study published in the Journal of Positive Psychology found that even doing kind deeds for your dog can boost your well-being, such as buying a new toy or new treat for them. Perhaps even animals can pick up on our intentions.

In general, good intentions are a necessary ingredient if you want to improve your relationships and your ability to build positive connections.

Kindness for the sake of kindness

We must learn to be kind simply for the sake of being kind.

If you don’t have the right intentions and you can’t treat people with earnest kindness, you’ll always find yourself playing “games” or “competing” to win people over and get them to like you.

Authentic kindness includes learning to be kind and respectful toward people who have zero to offer you.

If you can ignore judging people as “superior” or “inferior,” and you can treat everyone at the same level as equals, you’ll be able to flourish in almost any social situation.

Perhaps this is why some research shows that kindness helps social anxiety, because you’re shifting the focus from “How can I help myself?” → “How can I help others?”

That’s a powerful reframe, because it takes you out of your head and into the present moment.

When you know you’re acting with the best of intentions, people’s opinions and judgments become a lot less powerful.

People can judge me for many reasons: my appearance, my habits, my job, my beliefs, even my actions.

But I know I have good intentions, and that cuts through everything else.

You have a bigger positive influence than you think

Your daily actions are having an influence on more people than you realize, especially when you act with kindness.

Fascinating research has demonstrated that kindness has a ripple effect.

When you do a kind deed for someone, they are more likely to “pay it forward” and do a kind deed for someone else. And then that person is more likely to “pay it forward” as well, creating a ripple effect that stretches beyond our immediate comprehension.

Put “one kind act” on your daily to-do list. That’s all it takes to get the positive energy flowing more in your environment.

When I receive an act of kindness – even something small like a compliment on my website or Twitter – it often changes the whole mood of my day. I’m reminded that “people are good” and “life is good,” and that drives me to want to create and spread even more good.

Never underestimate the power of a genuine compliment, it can completely change someone’s day. Sometimes it can keep a person going for weeks, months, and even years.

Every human being has the power to choose how they influence the world. What type of influence are you having?

Recognize the good intentions of others

It’s also important to expect the best in others and assume that they are acting with good intentions as well.

This improves your ability to enjoy your relationships (with family, friends, neighbors, coworkers, etc.), rather than always second-guessing people and questioning their motives.

It’s important that we are not only good at GIVING kindness, but also RECEIVING kindness.

Are you good at accepting compliments or favors?

This is hard to do if you’re always suspicious of others and thinking their kindness is insincere or a plot to manipulate you. It’s hard to receive kindness and positivity from others when you are always on guard and not willing to let people in.

When someone gives a compliment, gift, or favor, assume they are coming from a good place and accept it graciously. Even if they are just being polite, recognize there are good intentions behind that as well.

Often we have to give people the benefit of the doubt until they prove otherwise if we want to make the most of our daily connections.

Of course, that doesn’t mean being naive or trusting people blindly – don’t put yourself in a position to get hurt by someone who you don’t know well enough. Instead, find small ways to express good intentions and see how the relationship goes from there.

Even when dealing with super difficult people, I always try to remind myself that “Everyone has the best intentions and just wants to be happy, even if they happen to be misguided about it.”

Good intentions are a necessary starting point for any positive relationship, but long-term trust and loyalty take time to build.

Boosting your good intentions

Do you feel like good intentions don’t come naturally to you?

I can definitely relate, I used to struggle a lot with pessimism and cynicism about other people where I’d always assume the absolute worst in others.

One tool that has helped me a lot to cultivate more positive intentions was a loving-kindness meditation, where I actively practiced visualizing and sending good intentions toward family, friends, neighbors, and acquaintances.

It felt unnatural at first (especially when I was still in such a negative mindset), but it gradually started to shift my attitude and how I relate with other people. I now practice a version of this meditation every week.

Remember, kindness is a skill – and like all skills it takes dedication and practice to get good at.

If you start by simply finding small ways to be a bit kinder each day, you can slowly transform your daily intentions.

Yes, results matter too

Intentions matter, but of course results matter too.

There’s certainly a wrong way to help people – you can act with the best of intentions, but you don’t always know what is best for someone.

If you act with good intentions but get bad results, then you should stop doing what you’re doing or change your behavior.

If you keep doing what you’re doing, then your good intentions are no longer good intentions.

When that happens, “good intentions” become an excuse or justification to keep doing whatever you’re doing. You snap back saying, “Well, I’m just trying to help!” when that’s the third time you’ve tried to help that way and each time has led to the same result.

Good intentions are a necessary starting point, but they only work if they lead to good action.

Be mindful of both your intentions and results in life. They both matter!

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