Stop Beating Yourself Up Over Past Mistakes: Tools and Strategies for Letting Go

I bet you’ve made a lot of mistakes in your past. I have too – we all have.

However painful and unpleasant our mistakes may seem in the moment, we must accept that they are a part of life. And even more than that, we must see them as stepping stones to learn and grow from.

The past is in the past, and no amount of thinking and worrying can change that. By acknowledging that our past mistakes are outside of our control, we can more easily let go of these mistakes and stop beating ourselves up over them.

Don’t get me wrong. It’s completely natural to feel bad every now and then. In many ways, I think negative emotions like sadness, guilt, and anger can actually serve a positive function in our lives.

At the same time, we have to be careful not to become too attached to our negative experiences. The past can shape the future, but it doesn’t dictate it – you make the final choice in how you move forward in your life.

Ultimately, negative emotions and past events in our lives are a resource to learn from. And often it’s not until we learn their lessons that we are truly able to “let go” of them – or at least put them into perspective in the grand scheme of things.

The more we wallow in these negative emotions without a proactive or solution-oriented mindset, the more we feed into them and let them dictate our lives. That’s when these emotions become unhelpful, destructive, and even “addictive” in some cases.

It’s important we learn how to let go and move on.

Letting Go of Past Mistakes: Tools and Strategies for “Moving On”

Here are important tips and advice for learning to better “let go” of your past mistakes.

• Accept mistakes are a part of life. Remember that everyone makes mistakes at times, you are no different. Often in life we have to go through the necessary pain of trial-and-error. There’s a power in accepting that and embracing that.
• Forgive yourself. You probably tried your best given the time and situation, and it’s possible that anyone else in your exact shoes would’ve made the same exact mistake. That’s an important insight to help you forgive yourself and recognize that you shouldn’t always take your mistakes personally.
• Be aware of your feelings. Be honest about how these mistakes make you feel (frustrated, anger, guilty, sad, etc.) – without attaching these emotions or becoming addicted to them. Analyze your feelings like a scientist observing something under a microscope.
• Write about your mistakes. Learn whatever lessons you can from the experience. One great exercise is to write about your failures for 15-20 minutes to process it, learn from it, and get it out of your system.
• Focus on what’s in your control. Focus on what is in your power and control, especially what you can do in the future to improve yourself (or at least not repeat the same mistake again). The past is outside your control, but the future is still in your hands.
• Be patient with yourself. It’s not easy to change yourself, especially not overnight. Understand that self-improvement is often a long-term process. Patience can be just as important as motivation when it comes to changing your ways, so recognize the “small wins” and on “gradual progress.” One day you’ll look back and be surprised by how much you’ve grown.
• Think a kind thought about yourself. We tend to focus more on the negative about ourselves rather than the positive. Make sure you take a step back every now and then and think a kind thought about yourself, such as a past accomplishment or strength of yours. Positive thinking is important for both your physical and mental health!
• Talk to someone you trust. – Sometimes the best way to “let go” of our past mistakes is to have a loyal and trustworthy friend we can talk to. This is someone who will listen to us and allow us to vent without judging us for the choices we made. If you have trouble finding someone, consider reaching out to a mentor, counselor, or self-improvement coach (such as myself!)
• Keep the bigger picture in mind. Life is a constantly unfolding process, no single event can dictate the rest of your life. Practice “zooming out” on your mistakes. Ask yourself, “How much will this mistake matter to me in one year, five years, or ten years?” If you look at the complete picture of your life, mistakes aren’t as big as we often think they are.

At the end of the day, we must learn to live with our mistakes to the best of our ability and grow from them.

The tips, tools, and advice mentioned above are a great starting point, but it will take consistent practice to become better at “letting go” of your mistakes and failures, and continuously putting your best foot forward. It’s ultimately a change in your mindset.

Your past has shaped who you are today, but only your actions starting NOW will shape who you become in the future. Who do you want to be?

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