8 Things Society Says You Need To Do (But You Really Don’t)

Everyone is influenced by society. We can’t help it. We like to believe that we are free and autonomous individuals, but the truth is parents, teachers, bosses, politicians, and religious figures play a huge role in the decisions we make and how we choose to live our lives.

At an early age, we need guidance before we can learn how to live in the world on our own. Unfortunately, during this time we can get a lot of ideas stuck in our head that aren’t necessarily helpful or true.

It’s important to question what we learn from society and what society expects from us.

Parents, teachers, bosses, politicians, and religious figures may have our best intentions at heart, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they know what is good for each one of us individually.

Ultimately, you have to decide for yourself what your best path forward is. What does your version of happiness and success look like?

The answer is different for everyone.

1. “You have to go to college”

Of course for some jobs you need a college education (such as being a doctor or lawyer), but for most career paths in life a college degree isn’t required.

The majority of job hunting depends on past work experience and referrals from people. Employers often care more about your skills, work ethic, personality, and if you can get the job done – not your major or GPA.

College isn’t for everyone. For some people it makes more sense to go to a vocational school, technical school, or just jump right into the workforce after high school.

Today a bachelors degree is so common that it hardly gives you any advantage in the marketplace, not to mention the financial debt that could last a lifetime because you thought “Everyone needs to go to college, right?!”

Anecdotally, many of my friends currently have jobs and careers that have nothing to do with their college degrees. One’s a computer programmer who studied history, another is a software developer that studied music.

College can be a great and valuable experience, but the myth that everyone needs to go to college just isn’t true. Some of the most productive members of our society – like Bill Gates, Mark Zuckerberg, and Steve Jobs – were all college dropouts because they realized it wasn’t for them.

While some jobs say they require “some type of college degree,” that’s become a formality more than a reality – a symptom of our society’s over-evaluation of a college education.

Not going to college can possibly make you stand out more from the competition, as long as you use that time productively (not just sitting at home and playing video games). An employer who sees you did a 3 month summer internship is going to be more impressed by that than someone with a 4 year degree but no work experience.

College isn’t for everyone – it may not be for you either, but that’s up to you to decide.

2. “You have to get married”

Another common expectation in society is that we need to get married.

This is seen as a “normal” and typical lifestyle in our culture, and individuals who choose not to get married are often viewed with bias and prejudice as they get older.

We know today that almost 50% of marriages end in divorce. Why? Maybe because people feel pressured to settle down with a partner (especially once they reach a certain point in their lives), and this leads people to make rash decisions that they regret later.

Today, marriage is seen as more of a legal or bureaucratic necessity rather than an act based on love or commitment. People get married to “lower their taxes” or make it easier to buy a home. It becomes a practicality.

To start, it’s important to recognize that you can make a lifetime commitment to someone you love outside the scope of marriage. While marriage tends to symbolize “everlasting love,” it’s becoming less and less viewed this way.

It’s also important to recognize that marriage isn’t necessary a lifestyle that fits everyone’s personality.

Let’s say marriage is a goal for 95% of people, but you may be a part of the 5% who doesn’t want to – and that’s OK. Maybe you’re polyamorous or maybe you just prefer freedom and solitude.

You’ll find many outside pressures wanting you to get married – parents, friends, TV shows, movies – but it’s ultimately up to you to decide if it makes sense to you.

Picture yourself in the future and ask yourself what you really want.

3. “You have to have kids”

Similar to marriage, it’s expected that we one day settle down and start a family.

Many people see having kids as one of the main purposes of life, but it isn’t necessarily something that everyone has a desire for.

Much of adult life is centered around raising kids, bringing them to school, and watching them grow up, so it’s hard not to feel the pressure to conform to this lifestyle.

Sometimes it’s difficult to imagine how someone would even live their life without being married or having kids, but there are many ways to find meaning and purpose in life that don’t center around starting a family, such as following a creative passion, social and political activism, or dedicating one’s time to charity and volunteer work.

From an evolutionary perspective, we are told that reproduction is the main function of life – to spread your genes to the next generation. But even from an evolutionary perspective, someone can help promote their genes by being a good aunt, uncle, sister, or brother. Direct parenthood isn’t required.

Just because you don’t have children doesn’t mean you can’t have a positive impact on the future of society.

For many, wanting kids is a natural instinct; but for some, it may not be the best course of action.

One may not want to have kids for a variety of reasons, such as not feeling they’d be a good parent, or if they have a medical condition they don’t want to pass onto their future child, or they simply want to focus on other values in life. All of these reasons are legitimate.

The important thing is to decide for yourself if (and when) having children is the best option for you.

4. “You have to settle for a career”

A lot of people think that once they choose a career out of college then they are stuck with it for the rest of their lives.

This puts a lot of pressure on people to make the “right decision” when it comes to choosing a career.

However, in today’s evolving economic world, it’s often better to be adaptable and flexible. When first diving into the work force, be willing to test and experiment with new jobs.

When you’re willing to experiment (and even fail) with new jobs, you can see where your talents and skills are, what fits your personality best, and what aspects of certain jobs you like and don’t like.

This “career flexible” mindset is in stark contrast to past generations where it was expected you’d be at the same job until you retired (or died).

In today’s world, we also have more career possibilities than ever before. We can find jobs to work around people, or work for a company from home, or even work completely on our own.

Of course it can be difficult to switch careers if you’ve been dedicated to one for a long time, but it’s always possible to do a hard reset if your current professional path is truly miserable or unsustainable.

It will likely require new education or training, but even those resources are becoming more available and abundant. You can easily earn new certifications or degrees online, or even learn new skills through online tutorials, blogs, and websites.

Your past work experience can also become a springboard toward new career paths if you look at it from the right angle, such as a musician who wants to get into psychology to teach music therapy, or a programmer who wants to apply their skills to designing video games.

Your combination of skills can make you standout more than any single area of expertise. That’s the power of a jack of all trades mindset.

Unfortunately, as automation replaces more jobs, we’re going to have no choice but to be more flexible in our skills, talents, and abilities. A job that seems secure today may not be around a decade from now. Better to get started today and stay ahead of the competition!

5. “You have to own a lot of stuff to be happy”

When you ask many people what their dreams are in life, often you’ll hear things like “I want to be rich!” or “I want to be famous!”

These beliefs ultimately stem from a very materialistic society. Many people have the impression that if they want to be happy then they must make a lot of money and own a lot of expensive things like big screen TVs, a nice house, and an expensive car.

We become so focused on material things, that we often forget about other important values in life such as relationships, health, confidence, and well-being.

Of course a certain level of security and comfort is necessary for well-being – it’s difficult to find happiness when you are poor or homeless – but psychology research suggests money can only buy us happiness up to a certain point.

Once you have your material needs provided, more stuff isn’t going to make you happier. It may even backfire, as you look at everything you own and wonder why life isn’t better.

Our materialistic culture often leads to excessive social comparison and a “keeping up with the joneses” mentality. We look at our friends and neighbors and compare what they have to what we have. When we don’t measure up, we immediately feel like a failure.

If you want to find happiness in life, you often have to step out of this materialistic mindset and recognize that there is more to life than money and luxurious things.

This doesn’t mean you have to become a minimalist or go full “Fight Club” and disown everything, but it’s important that you have a healthy relationship with material things and keep everything in perspective.

Be sure to check out our Materialism Quiz to find out what you score.

6. “You have to fit your stereotype”

We learn a lot about what we’re supposed to be through culture such as movies, music, television, books, video games, and other forms of entertainment.

Through this lens of society, we are conditioned to accept certain stereotypes about people of different races, genders, religions, occupations, and other walks of life.

We believe in these stereotypes so strongly that sometimes we feel we need to conform to them ourselves. We wrongly believe that we need to have certain hobbies, wear certain clothes, or do certain jobs that are only associated with our race, gender, etc. As a result we become stuck in a box that we can’t get out of.

Stereotype threat is a powerful force in society. People’s expectations of us can often become a self-fulling prophecy, because we are unconsciously influenced to conform to those standards.

It can be hard to break out of these cultural patterns, especially if you are being pressured and judged by others, but when you do it can be liberating.

Society needs healthy dissent every now and then if we want to keep growing and evolving. All it takes is one person to stand out from the crowd for others to look and say, “Hmm…maybe I can do that too!”

By doing that, you not only empower yourself but also empower others who may be in a similar situation as you.

The truth is we’re all individuals with different strengths and weaknesses, so you should try your best to be yourself and follow what makes sense for you, rather than conforming to a group just because that’s what people want you to do.

We all have to carve out our own space in this world. If “being yourself” means breaking new ground or crashing through glass ceilings, so be it!

7. “You have to obey all authority”

All societies have rules, laws, norms, and figures of authority.

Often we follow these rules without questioning them, because we don’t want to cause any friction or conflict – it’s always easier to obey than it is to rebel.

Psychology research like the classic Milgram Experiment demonstrates that people will often follow authority blindly, even when it tells them to do something that goes against their values or causes harm to others.

In the experiment, participants were willing to “shock” other participants when they got a question wrong, simply because they were encouraged to do so by a scientist in a lab coat.

We follow many different types of authority figures in similar ways, including bosses, politicians, doctors, teachers, scientists, celebrities, journalists, policemen, and various experts.

If someone has a degree from an Ivy League university, or they are a CEO of a big company, or they are in a high position in government, we automatically assume they know what they are talking about and we should follow them.

As a kid, you always think adults know what they’re doing. As an adult, you realize no one has a clue what they’re doing – even those who believe they know how the world really works.

The funny truth is that most people are just as lost as you are, including those who project the most confidence and knowledge.

The ability to question authority is a prerequisite to living your own life. If you always look toward other “experts” for the answers, you won’t be willing to do the necessary thinking to discover what’s right for you.

Of course authority can be justified and rational – we need people to “take charge” in certain situations to have a functioning society; but it’s important that we never follow it blindly, or without question, or simply because “rules are rules” or “that’s what people say.”

Learn to develop your own independent sense of judgement, without relying on others to give you all the answers.

8. “You have to be religious to be a good person”

One belief among a lot of people in our society is that you must be religious to be a good person. In other words, if you don’t go to church, temple, or synagogue – or you don’t follow any of the major religions – then you must have no values or morals in life.

While it’s true that a lot of people learn good behavior through religion (such as treating people with kindness and volunteering to help the less fortunate), that doesn’t mean being religious is necessary to be a good person.

Many secular humanists, atheists, or agnostics still hold the same values as religious people: kindness, compassion, and altruism. They have just arrived at those morals and values in a different way (sometimes through science, philosophy, or nature).

However, one thing to be mindful of is the “nihilistic trap.”

Often when people abandon religion for the first time, they find a world without meaning and purpose. This is why it’s important for atheists and humanists to find meaning without religion, or they will end up feeling empty.

It’s important to see a world beyond yourself and to dedicate yourself to a higher purpose in life. Religion is just one way to accomplish this mindset.

Without religion, people still need some type of ideology, or philosophy, or map of reality that gives their lives direction and meaning.

Create your own blueprint for life

The big lesson here is to create your own blueprint for life.

While many people want what is best for you, they don’t necessarily know what is best for you – sometimes you have to take your own path.

Society changes rapidly. What was “normal” just 10-20 years ago isn’t necessarily the case anymore.

Going against even ONE of these social expectations is a lot of work – and it’s often going to take time, persistence, and a consistent re-affirmation of your core values in life.

What values in your life are non-negotiable? If you can answer that question, you can save yourself a lot of unnecessary stress and conflict.

Even if you follow all of the social expectations mentioned above, there is likely some other aspect of your life where you need to “go against the grain” a bit. That’s often what happens when you are true to yourself as an individual.

It’s rare to see someone who fits perfectly into any society. If you don’t find yourself ever rebelling against anything, then there’s a good chance you aren’t thinking for yourself.

No matter what, make sure you choose a life that works best for you and brings you closest to happiness.

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